I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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