I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
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Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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