from now on my penis is your penis
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize