You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
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So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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