my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
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i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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