So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize