Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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