Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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