Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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