apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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