fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
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Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
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He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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