When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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