Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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