i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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