I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
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Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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