If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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