I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize