I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize