I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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