help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
that may or may not have been my penis.
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