He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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