someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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