8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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