But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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