Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Let's get the cat blown out
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize