I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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