3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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