As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize