if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My balls are so social today.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize