My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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