He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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