I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I will be naked everywhere
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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