dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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