She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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