He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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