I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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