I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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