look no pants
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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