A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When did angry sex become our thing?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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