i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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