It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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