Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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