I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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