Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
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I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
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I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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