I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize