You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize