So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
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I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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