Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
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He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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