Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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