I think my vagina is haunted
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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